Written on January 30th, 2012
Tuesday December 13th, 2011
Today is my last day at work for a while. I need to take “use or lose” leave. For those who do not know what this is, in my work, we are permitted to carry over 240 hours of earned leave from the current calendar year, over into the next calendar year. If on January 1st, 2012 I have more than 240 hours, I will lose the excess hours. Well I just happen to have 104 hours of leave from 2010, plus the 240 hours that I earned during 2011. I need to use my hours from 2010 starting December 14th (I realized after it was too late that I will lost 8 hours from 2010).
It is difficult to find a rhythm at work, not only because of Jonn’s passing, but because I am going back on leave and because of tonight’s arrival. Tonight marks a very important time in my grief because I have relatives flying in from Michigan, my home state. Very very special relatives.
After I was honorably discharged from the Air Force and before I moved to California, I lived at my grandmother’s house in Michigan for nearly 1 year. During that time I spent hundreds of hours babysitting or just playing with my little cousins; Colleen, Allison, and Kathleen. After I left Michigan, I did not see or speak with them on a regular basis. During my first 5 years in California, I did manage to get back home at least once a year if not more than that and I always made an attempt to visit with them. When I changed jobs (my current job) trips back to Michigan were a thing of the past.
During 2000, 2001 and 2002, I was talking with Kathleen much more often that I had previously. On March 2, 2002, Kathleen went home to be with our Lord and Savior. I was devastated by her death, but not nearly as devastated as her surviving sisters and parents. Laura, the youngest of the 4 girls was one cousin whom I did not know very well as she was born after I moved to California. None-the-less, over the months after Kathleen’s death, my love for Laura became just as strong as my love for Colleen, Allison and Kathleen.
A month after Kathleen’s death, I was finally able to travel back home and I spent a long weekend with the girls. I also spent some time with Tom, my uncle through marriage (my aunt and uncle had divorced years earlier). I still remember how hard we all cried a month after Kathleen’s passing. I still remember the pain and shock that came with her death.
In July of 2002, I bought plane tickets for the girls and they flew out to California to spend some time with us. During that time, there was a bit of jealousy from Ana, Robyn and Jonn because of how much attention I was giving to Colleen, Allison and Laura. At one point, Ana told Laura that Kathleen was in heaven and that she just needed to pray to God. Laura does not remember her response, but Ana clearly remembers that Laura seemed offended by Ana’s comment.
When Tom called shortly after Jonn’s death, Ana instantly remembered how she felt when the girls came in 2002, what she had said to Laura, and how Laura reacted. Ana felt so bad and she made a vow to apologize to Laura for how she treated Laura and her sisters. Ana admitted that she did not understand their pain, and that she did not understand what it felt like to lose someone.
During the call, Tom talks about flying out for the funeral or possibly coming at a later date. He and the three girls would be able to come sometime around Christmas. Obviously I opted for the latter.
Even though my Michigan family is coming tonight, there is one thing that I have to do which brings about a lot of sadness. The life insurance check needs to be deposited. It’s timely arrival on Saturday assures me that I do not have to worry about being late on certain payments.
As I arrive at the bank, my nerves are pretty much shot. Cashing the check gives me the feeling that this is truly the end. The last step in Jonn’s earthly presence, and for me, it feels as if Jonn’s life is summarized in a $12,500 check. I know that this is not really the summary of Jonn’s life, how he lived and who he was. But I cannot help but think that this is the final step of his earthly existence and in this final step, the check falls short of the final expenses. I am not worried about that as I know we will be fine, but it is a ironic parallel of what we have experienced, that is: Jonn’s life, as we knew it was cut short.
I leave the bank, go to my truck and sit in complete silence. I held back the tears inside the bank and can now let them flow. While inside the bank I had to fight off the urge to shove the stupid Wells Fargo suckers back into one of their employees face. They were pushing off these suckers, tiny ones at that, onto their customers as a way to show customer appreciation and to brighten up everyone’s day. The size of the sucker did not matter. What mattered was that there is no sucker in the world that would brighten my day today.
I think I sat in the truck without any radio or music for nearly 10 minutes. After that, I turned on the radio and played the Opera song which I had mentioned in an earlier page. I am already feeling pretty low, might as well as push it all the way, right?
I eventually compose myself and head home. We have grief Share tonight and by the time we get home, Tom (uncle) and Colleen (cousin) will be arriving. Allison and Laura will arrive tomorrow night. The initial plan is for Tom and Colleen to spend the night at our house. The next nights are undecided. I want them to stay with us and I can only offer. It is up to them to accept the offer.
We are really enjoying the GriefShare classes. It is very comforting to see the videos and to be in fellowship with other grieving people. We understand each other and console each other. During the class, I receive a text message from Colleen. They have landed and are heading to our house. I am very excited.
When Tom and Colleen arrive, I am outside hiding. I have no idea why I did this, but for some reason I felt compelled to scare them. We live in a rural area, with no street lights and homes spread far apart from each other. 2 ½ acres in the dark hours offers the ominous feeling on its own. Add to that one of the fattest man you have ever seen and you cannot help but to be scared.
We welcome Tom and Colleen into our home, and into our family’s life.
The next day we take Tom and Colleen with us to the weekly Advent service, the Taize service which I have been leading. After the service, we introduce them to our friends Val and Michelle, Leah, and 15 year old Brianna (her mother passed away in May and her father passed away 7 years ago).
Right before we leave the church, a church family arrives. It is Lori, her son Christopher, and her daughter Chelsea. I introduce them to Tom and Colleen and explain what has happened to Lori and her family.
Here is a detailed version of what I addressed in an earlier page.
On November 30th, during the fierce windstorms in Arcadia and Temple City, Steve, while at home, took his last breath. Lori, Christopher (25yrs) and Chelsea (22 yrs) were with Steve when he went to Heaven. Shortly after Steve passed, the storm became quite intense and took out trees and power lines in both cities. This was the beginning of their nightmare.
Steve was taken away by the funeral home, and in the middle of cold weather, no electricity, no heat, no internet or cell phones, Lori and her kids were left alone in complete darkness. I had already written how I met with them the next day to extend my condolences and to pray with them. I was able to fully understand their loss now, all because of what we have experienced with Jonn’s death.
Ana and I visited with them on Sunday after church. Without electricity, their house was so cold and it just added to the dark grief which they were feeling. They went through each evening with flash lights, all because of the horrific damage that Wednesday’s storm afflicted everywhere. Val and Michelle joined us and then offered to extend help to Lori and her family. Val and Michelle are the best.
On Tuesday, December 7th, the electricity was restored and Lori’s house was able to have lights, heat, internet, cell phone coverage and most importantly, telephone service. Shortly after their phone service was restored, Lori received a phone call. The day before, (Monday) Lori’s father, who lives in Minnesota was experiencing abdominal pains. For some reason, it was bad enough that they were going to do an emergency surgery. Without understanding why, Lori’s father passed away that day. Lori and her family had now been dealt a second blow of death all within a matter of 7 days.
Just when you could not imagine things getting worse, Lori received another call, informing her that her sister, who also lives in Minnesota, was involved in a car crash. Lori’s nephew was driving the car with his mother while on vacation in Minnesota. The car rolled several times and in addition to previous health issues, Lori’s sister was now in Hospice care and on a waiting list for a long transplant.
Everyone Tom and Colleen meet have all lost an immediate family member. We all have a common grief/loss and between my family and Lori’s family, we are deep into the beginnings of grief. It is a powerful moment in having all of us together.
We go out for a quick dinner and then head over to the airport to pick up Allison and Laura. Our Kia mini-van provides a wonderful mode of transportation for all of us. We fit in the van without any problem.
Upon arrival at our house, Allison and Laura are introduced to the rest of the household and it is agreed that they will all stay at our house for the duration of their visit.
Because of our common loss/grief, and adding to the closeness that I have with Tom, Colleen, Allison and Laura, I will keep the details of our visit private. What I will say of the visit is that on Saturday, we met up with Colleen (the Colleen from upstate New York who got Robyn and Jonn into Warped Tour). Colleen lost her dad 10 years ago, to a sudden and unexpected death. Colleen is related through our great grandmother Irene. Here is how the lineage looks
Irene Sayles (Weld)
/ \
Harold – son/brother Mary (daughter/sister)
(Grandpa to Colleen, Allison , Laura and me) (Grandma to Colleen)
Barbara – granddaughter to Irene Sayles Nancy – granddaughter to Irene Sayles
Me (Mark) – Great grandson to Irene Colleen - Great granddaughter top Irene
Beth Ann – granddaughter to Irene
Colleen, Allison, Kathleen and Laura – great granddaughters to Irene
So according to Wikipedia, the relationship between my 1st cousin’s Colleen, Allison, Laura and I with Colleen is: second cousins. Anyone who shares the same great-grandparent is a second cousin. I never understood the cross relationships as that and learned until this visit. I thought that Colleen’s mom was my second cousin, but according to Wikipedia, Nancy is my 1st cousin once removed.
The point is, my first cousins had never met Colleen (Nancy’s daughter) before and we had a nice visit.
Aside from the fact that we all had a wonderful time, the time with my cousins and uncle will remain private.
……………….
Sunday December 18th, 2011
Laura and Allison are flying home today. They both have to work on Monday. Colleen and Tom are going to drive them to the airport and then head on down to San Diego for a couple of days. As we say good bye to them at our house, I am feeling the emotions flaring up. I feel so close to my cousins and do not want to see them leave. I really miss not seeing them on a regular basis and long for Michigan, but I cannot leave. We have Ana’s family, her older kids and 7 granddaughters. It would be selfish of me to ask that we move home to where my family is.
Watching them leave, Ana and I both feel a loss. Completely different than when the girls came to visit with us after Kathleen passed, Ana was drawn much closer to the girls on this visit. She feels a bond with them that was not there before. We are both torn with their departure and as we head off to go to church, Ana and I are very sad. Ana asks if there is any way I could ask Tom and Colleen to stay with us until they leave on Tuesday, but I do not want to intrude. Tom used to be in the Navy and was stationed in San Diego. It is important that he and Colleen have their bonding time and sightseeing time together. This trip was a healing time of sorts for Tom and the girls and I do not want to intrude on his time in San Diego.
My crying has been greatly reduced since the beginning, however on this day, both Ana and I are crying quite a lot. While at church, and especially after Communion, we return to our pew and just cry. We felt so much love, support and comfort from Tom and the girls and we are really going to miss them.
……………………
Monday December 19th, 2011
It is a hard day again because Tom and the girls are gone. In the evening however, we have a nice visit with Javier and Yasamin. Earlier in the day, I received an email from one of Jonn’s co-workers at In-N-Out. I explain to Ana, Michelle, Robyn, Javier and Yasamin the nature of the email.
Dear Mark and Ana,
Hello it's Izabella Ellis. It has been a while since I have seen you, but as you know I work at In n Out and Jonn was a dear friend to me.
Some of us at the store made a sort of "memorabilia" of In n Out things that represent Jonn. We would like to present it to you soon, and invite you to our store's Christmas party tomorrow Tuesday December 20. It is very early at 6:30 AM at Coco's right near In n Out. We would love to have you there! I am so sorry for sending this email on such short notice so I definitely understand if you can't make it. You are also welcome to come by the store whenever you like and we will present you with the gift then. Whatever you prefer.
I am missing Jonn every day. I know you already know how amazing of a person he was and how many lives he touched. I hope you and your family are doing well. My thoughts and prayers are with you this holiday season.
Let me know if you will be able to make it tomorrow morning or otherwise another day you can make it to the store.
Again, I apologize for such short notice!
Thank you so much,
Izabella Ellis
……………………
Tuesday December 20th, 2011
I leave the house at 6am to head over to Coco’s. I didn’t expect it to be a problem, but when they presented me with the nicely done and very large shadow box, I was speechless, and I mean that literally. I was suddenly choked up with emotions and had a very hard time expressing our gratitude. I am so thankful that Javier showed up, because without him, I would have been all by myself. This was something that was just too emotional for Ana and the rest of the family. I chose this opportunity to go because I wanted to allow them to honor Jonn in a more formal setting instead of walking into their store during business hours and then walk away without any fanfare for them.
When I arrived at home, Ana, Michelle and Robyn were all waiting to see what they made. It touched everyone and brought tears to all.
A little while later i head out of the house again. I cannot let Tom and Colleen drive up from San Diego to fly out of LA without my going to the airport for a last minute visit. So I head off to the airport and meet them at the rental car return. Upon picking them up, since we are just down the road for a very special place, I drive Tom and Colleen over to the area.
It is a short drive and as we approach, I show them the main road for Loyola Marymount University. From the main road, it is a 20’ distance to the road where the AF-ROTC unit accesses for their run. We drive along the paved road all the way to where Jonn stopped running and died. We stay at the area for a while, taking pictures of the surrounding area and we cannot help but notice how many people are running and walking along the road. It is Tuesday at 12:30pm and we have seen at least 20 people. Proof that this is not an isolated area!
From there, I take Tom and Colleen up the road to a Mexican restaurant which will become a common place for our family gatherings in the near future. After lunch, I take Tom and Colleen back to the airport and give one final hug and farewell to both.
I cannot begin to express how grateful I am for Tom and the girls coming and staying with us. It was truly a wonderful blessing to have my own family around, especially with it being Tom, Colleen, Allison and Laura. They understand our grief, they offered a type of love that most cannot offer, and it was a needed visit for both Ana and I. Their time with us trumped any other family visit/support which we have received.
That evening, we went to our weekly GriefShare and shared our past weeks experiences with everyone. It has been powerful to say the least and we are heading right into Christmas. Remember what Jonn said last Christmas for the second time “this is going to be my last Christmas with the family. Mia and Mackenzie will grow up and not remember me”
I am reminded of that statement every day.
………………….
Wednesday through Friday are just days where we exist. We take care of business and are strong in our daily actions.
Friday is the only day that is spent related to Christmas. We go searching for very small boxes.
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Saturday December 24th 2011
Christmas Eve – this is a time which under normal conditions, we would go to Ana’s parent’s house with all of the family and have the Christmas Eve dinner and then open all of the presents. The house is typically filled with around 30 people and the gift openings take place around 11p-12m. For 20 years, we went to their house and 17 of those years included Jonn.
And we have all agreed (Ana, Paul, Kristy, Michelle and Robyn) not to go there this year. It has nothing to do with who is going to be there, but has everything to do with who is NOT going to be there. We cannot do it and because of that, the Christmas for 2011 will be completely changed. Paul, Kristy and Michelle will take their families to see their dad. Ana, Robyn and I will do something that I have wanted to do for a long time, but have never done it, simply because Ana’s family always came first.
Ana, Robyn and I head over to our church to meet up with a few people. From there, we head over to the Pasadena Union Station, which is an Adult Homeless facility. On the last Saturday of every month, our church (the youth group) prepares and serves the dinner for the homeless. Jonn did this with the youth group a couple of times and we know that this is the right thing to do. It was nice because Leah and Ara are there. Ara lost his mother a year ago and Leah lost her father many years ago. Both have extended their love to our family and we are very grateful for that.
After we finish cleaning up, we realize that there is enough time to make the 9:00pm candlelight service. Something that we have not done for a very very long time. After the worship service, we had back over to Pasadena and go to the women and children homeless center. Ana has a bunch of new clothes and toys to give to the center. To make a long story short, these items came from Ana’s work where they were to be given to a needy family. The needy family stopped coming to school and the school did not know what to do with the items.
We did not get home until around midnight. In true fashion to Christmases past, I stayed up late wrapping all of the gifts. This year was going to be completely different from other Christmas mornings. This is the first year that we give out gifts without Santa’s name on them. It is also a very big change for Michelle and her family since they live with us.
We did not do any decorations. Not even a Christmas tree. Michelle, understanding the pain that came with Christmas, put up a small pink Christmas tree in Micayla and Sophia’s room, which used to be Jonn’s room.
………………….
Christmas day
We woke up and got ready to watch Michelle’s girls open their gifts. We would always open our gifts down stairs where the Christmas tree was. The girls however wanted to open their gifts in their bedroom, and it made for an emotional time for Ana. After all, they were in Jonn’s old room. Jonn loved Christmas over all holidays and with a Christmas tree in his old room, even though it was pink, and opening the gifts in his old room had a nice feeling about it, even if it did bring about some tears.
Later on in the morning, Michelle and her family went to Luis’s parent’s house. The rest of the day was just sitting alone in the house with just Ana, Robyn and me. In like fashion to all of the other Christmases, I was working on the food preparations. The difference this year was that we did not have a turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and the likes. This year we went Indian/Asian we had Pork Fried Curried Rice (a ton more curry that what my family recipe calls for only because curry is not wrong). We also had Chicken Gyoza’s (pot stickers) and Gang Dang Gai, a Thai dish which is easy to make and very good.
Every one of the siblings where there along with their kids, and Ana’s parents along with her brother Efren (aka Pepe) were there. I have carried the Flath Family Christmas day presents and Christmas day dinner tradition since Ana and I have been married (4/28/1990). And for almost every Christmas dinner, Ana’s parents and Efren have come to our house for dinner.
We would also always video tape the Christmas mornings as Jonn and Robyn would open up their gifts. This year, we did not do any videotaping, and we did not give out any gifts until after the dinner.
With regards to presents this year, Ana and I could not go out to the stores and go shopping. And having read the previous pages of this story, you now know that there is no way I could step in to any store or the mall. This year we decided just to hand out money and be very simple.
The only issue I had was that I did not want to put money in an envelope stuffed with money. It would be too impersonal in my opinion and this Christmas, there needed to be a very special meaning behind each gift.
The grandchildren will receive 3 separate denominations. Each denomination is rolled up, wrapped with a single piece of paper, tied with a holiday string and then placed into the varying sizes of jewelry boxes, which we picked up on Friday. Each grandchild will receive a holiday gift bag, with three boxes of different sizes placed inside. The same will go for Paul, Kristy, Michelle and Robyn, but their gifts will be slightly higher than the grandchildren.
We started the gift opening with the youngest: Mia and Mackenzie. I never thought of the order nor about who would be reading. It was just coincidental that it happened this way. Kristy opened up the first box for Mackenzie. As she opened the first box, she saw the tightly rolled up item with the holiday string around it. She untied the string and unrolled the item revealing the single currency. I then asked her to read the note which was rolled around the currency. It read:
To: Mackenzie
From Jesus and Uncle Jonn
Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Every single bill was rolled with a note that said From: Jesus and Jonn, and a separate verse for each note.
Two notes each for Mackenzie and Mia
Three notes each for Marina, Micayla, Sabrina, Sophia and Maddison
Six notes each for Paul, Kristy, Michelle and Robyn.
That equates to 43 notes with To: whoever and From: Jesus and Jonn with everyone having their own unique verse read aloud.
Jonn was celebrating the best ever Christmas, and it was only fitting that we recognized that it was because of Jesus that Jonn is in Heaven now. I think that we now have a new tradition for what we put on our gifts. We give thanks to God for sending us His one and only Son, and we give Thanks to God for receiving our Son into eternal life in Heaven.
Before the evening was over, I read an email to everyone which had come to me the day before, on Christmas Eve:
Dear Mark,
Yesterday morning I went to check my old email address to see if there had been any important emails in the last few months. I haven't been using that address in quite some time so I apologize for having not gotten back to you until now.
Your son was a very good friend to me.
Though I am several years older than Jonn, when I met him at the Warped Tour in Ventura, California during the summer of 2008 I knew that he was very wise beyond his years. I saw much of myself in him. We spoke about music for at least an hour and I gave him a few of my guitar picks, as I could tell he was very inspired by the music I was making with my band.
About a month or two later the tour returned to Carson, California on the last day of the U.S. tour. I was fortunate enough to be able to meet up with Jonn again and chat for a bit before headed to the airport for a world tour of Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Indonesia, Japan, Belgium, France, Germany, and the United Kingdom.
That summer had been a bit of an emotional Roller coaster for me. I had been either on the tour bus or in a music studio for about 5 years straight and I felt as though I had lost touch of my faith and the truth of my inner self.
When I look back to that sunny August afternoon, sitting with Jonn and talking about music, faith and the experiences of life itself - I am reminded of why I do what I do.
When I began playing music with The Academy Is… I was 15 years old. My father had just passed away & I had hoped that by playing music I could somehow inspire young people around the world. My experiences with your son are great memories of times when I felt as though I was reaching that goal.
I am currently living in Burlington, Vermont with my lovely girlfriend, Jasmine. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers and will continue to be in the future. I would just like to thank you for raising a son as wonderful and Jonn- I will always remember him.
Merry Christmas to your entire family. Please feel free to keep in touch!
Sincerely,
Adam
-Adam T. Siska
We continue to be impressed with the many lives that Jonn touched and how God used our son to reach these many lives.
________________________________________________________
And from Ana, Thank you Nicky (Jennifer's daughter) for the loving gifts that you sent to Ana.
Thank you Jennifer, Linda and Susan, we love you all.
Paul works in construction. A couple of years ago, Jonn spent a couple of weeks working with Paul. That meant a lot to Jonn. Now I get to spend a short time working with Paul, and this means a lot to me.
________________________________________________________
Page 20
Written on March 17th, 2012
Before I pick up with where I left off, I need to make a few additions and corrections:
November 21st (?)
Ana’s sister-in-laws from her first marriage drove up from Orange County to visit with Ana. Linda actually drove from Apple Valley, down to Orange County, and then up to where we live, which the total one way drive for her was probably close to 150 miles if not more. While the marriage has long been over (29 years ago or more?), Jennifer, Susan and Linda have remained close with Ana. Considering my role as the stepfather and second husband, my relationship with these ladies is very good. I have always been impressed with how kind they are and how loving they are towards Ana. It is also nice to see that they drove such a long distance just to visit Ana.
I have been sending Jennifer our family newsletter/Christmas letter for some time now and she in turn share the newsletter with her family. These ladies and their families are always welcome into our home and I am so grateful for their love and care for Ana, and their own desire to come and be with her. Their visit was exceptionally wonderful, especially when you consider that there are others who you would expect would visit or call because of their blood relationship, but have not visited or called at all. It goes to show how much all three of them care for Ana.
And from Ana, Thank you Nicky (Jennifer's daughter) for the loving gifts that you sent to Ana.
Thank you Jennifer, Linda and Susan, we love you all.
December 22nd
My friend Jim Parkyn drove up from Huntington Beach to do a mountain bike ride with me. I have known Jim since 1991 (?). While we do not see each other on a regular basis, we have a very good relationship and share mutual hobbies. In my narcissistic way, I want to think that I was the drive for Jim getting into cycling. He is also an avid runner and mountaineer. One year, while I was doing a 37 mile commute to work on my bike (road bicycle), Jim and I decided to hike to the top of Mount Baldy from the Mt Baldy village. We started off at 4’000’ and went up to 10,400’. Because of my cycling, I was able to blast up to the top without any problem. Going down the next day however is where Jim’s running took over and he kicked my butt on the descent. It was shortly after that when Jim took up cycling. Since then, Jim has taken up mountain biking, along with summiting Mt Rainier and Denali (Mt McKinley). He did the latter when he turned 50.
I lost my cycling edge a long time ago, and add to that is a trail which I told Jim we would ride on. We started off from my house and rode over to Vasquez Rocks and picked up the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT). To any Sierra Club weenies, horses cause more damage to the trail than us cyclist. But as you have with any group, there are some cyclists who have ruined it for everyone because they blast through the single track trails and either scare the horses or scare the hikers. For those who are not aware of what it is, single track is exactly what it sounds like, a single track and bicycles are not permitted on the PCT.
Jim and are polite cyclist, and with that in mind, we jump on to the PCT and begin our ride. For a person who has been off of the single track trails for a very long time, this is a very difficult ride. The trail cuts right along the mountain with a very narrow path. Just enough room if you keep your bike straight to keep your pedals from hitting the uphill side of the mountain. Slight wobble and your pedal hits the uphill earth and causes you to wobble off the trail and down the mountain. Add to that the steep ascent, which means you are struggling to keep the bike moving while trying to avoid hitting the uphill side of the mountain. Let’s add on additional fact that on this day, we are riding with winds peaking up to 60 MPH.
It is one thing to ride west, with westward blowing winds at your back (tail winds). It is another thing to ride west with eastward winds blowing at your face (headwinds). But is it all together a different story when you are riding single track switchback trails where you can have the wind blowing right into your face one moment and then full force winds on your left side or right side the next moment and then full force winds at your back the next moment.
Needless to say, an out of shape elephant size man on a mountain bike who has lost single track skills, riding under these conditions created probably one of the most challenging and exhausting bike rides ever. But it was also a very good ride as it allowed me to release some emotions.
There was one point on the ride which would eventually become a hike-n-bike segment. This is when mountain biking so tough and steep that you have to carry the bike over your shoulder and hike until you can get back on the bike and pedal again. Right before that point, the climb was so steep, that even in my lowest gear, I could not move the bike forward.
My heart was racing, my breathing was rapid, my legs were burning and all I can think about is that here I am, 51 years old, fatter than fat, struggling and pushing my heart and lungs to their fullest limit and I am still alive. I then think how over the years, I have been able to push myself to the extreme limits and while I break bones and rupture ligaments; I never experience heart or lung problems.
I then remember during my first Black Belt test in Montreal Canada how I was feeling so exhausted and wanted to stop. I remember how I convinced myself that I would just keep going until I passed out. I wanted to quit so bad and was hoping that I would pass out just so that I could stop, but that never happened. I finished the test and never collapsed but I was in a lot of pain. During the last part of my test, where I had to spar with 12 Black Belts (one minute each), I was completely wiped out and early in the test, one Black Belt kicked my hand and broke a knuckle. Unable to use my left band for any attacks, I kept going, but never suffered from any heart or lung problems.
These thoughts were all racing through my mind as I was struggling up the mountain. I was struggling with all my might and then it hit me: How am I able to endure all of these moments and not have any problems, and Jonn, who was in excellent shape just die without any reason. Right then, I stopped and began crying and shouting, Why. Why am I able to do this and Jonn had to die? Why? I was sobbing like a baby, and when Jim heard me, he dropped his bike and came over to me to console me and be there for support without saying anything.
Being at a person’s side when they are grieving is the most important thing they need. Being there, and not saying anything is the best form of care anyone can give. Look at what the bible says about this which I have posted before, but bears repeating:
Job 2: 11 When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. 12 When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.
That is how grief care is to be done. Go to the person in grief, sit with them and say nothing. Sympathize and comfort them.
Another great verse is found here:
3 John 1:14-15 13 I have much to write you, but I do not want to do so with pen and ink. 14 I hope to see you soon, and we will talk face to face.
The Bible is a great source for how to live, and often times, the word Bible is used as an acronym for B.I.B.L.E.: Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
Thank you Jim, Linda, Susan and Jennifer for your physical presence, sympathy and comfort.
So after that emotional breakdown, Jim and I got back onto our bikes and foraged ahead to the end of our ride. When we got home, I collapsed on the dining room floor. I was exhausted beyond description.
I told Ana that the big scratches were from riding through the heavy brush. She did not need to know that on the single track ascent, I hit the uphill portion of the mountain and slid down the mountain about 30 feet and then had to hike back up. Ana did not need to know that one descent was so steep (Jim and I went off the PCT and took a motorcycle trail to head back home), that I had to intentionally crash the bike sideways, to keep from going over the handlebars.
Jim, I cannot thank you enough for your friendship, bike ride and sympathy.
December 25th
Ok, I completely forgot what the meal was for Christmas dinner. We had meatloaf, garlic mashed potatoes, and green beans with bacon and onions. Everyone was filled up with food.
And now I will continue with my story:
December 26th and forward
Today is a hard day. We are struggling so much. Ana and I had to get out of the house and drive around. Robyn unfortunately had to work today.
While we are out, Ana and I stop off in Canyon Country at a place called Route 66. As we walk in, I cannot help but notice the flier that is displayed on their cashier counter top. I ask if I can take it to our table to review it. As we are waiting for our order to come, I give the flier a serious look, share it with Ana and then ask the waitress if there was someone whom we could speak with.
She came back with the information and explains that they will hold fundraisers during the weeknights, during a specific period of time and donate a percentage of the proceeds to the fund. The proceeds are based upon the customers presenting the fliers, and we cannot be standing outside the door, handing them out as customers walk in.
Ana and I discuss this both agreed that we should get a fund raiser going for the memorial scholarship fund and hold it on Jonn’s birthday. Her first thought was that Route 66 was on the opposite side of Santa Clarita and she felt that it would be too far for people to go. Ana then suggested that we should do it somewhere closer to where Jonn’s friends live.
After we picked up Robyn from work, she reached out to a friend of Jonn (Isabelle) who works at In-N-Out. Isabelle was able to give Robyn the store manager’s cell phone number. I called the manager who is the guy who presented the In-N-Out shadow box to me before Christmas. He was very polite and very willing to hold a fund raiser but he clearly stated that it is In-N-Out’s policy not to do anything like this. They only hold fund raisers for abused children.
Having been all excited for a moment, our balloons quickly popped. But as fast as they popped, Ana quickly suggested Jersey Mike’s as Jonn often there, especially when he was working at Party City (the two share the same parking lot). So the next day, Ana and I drove on over to Jersey Mike’s in Stevenson’s ranch and spoke with the store manager.
I told him what we were looking to do and gave him one of our newly created business cards:
He told me that he would pass this on to his boss and after that, Ana and I went home.
Later that day, the Jersey Mike’s store manager called and told me that his boss wanted to meet with Ana and I the next day.
December 28th
Ana and I head on over to the Stevenson’s Ranch Jersey Mikes to meet the “boss”. We quickly learn that the boss is actually the owner, Steve Youlios. Steve had done some preliminary reading from the blog site and he was very welcoming and comforting. During our meeting, we explained what our desires were and Steve was very attentive. After our presentation Steve began to give us his ideas.
He first stated that most fund raisers have a specific window of opportunity, say between 4p-7p, and how the fund raisers usually require that the customers bring the flier with them. He then said that he did not want to do that and then suggested something different. Being the owner of three Jersey Mike’s stores in Santa Clarita, Steve suggested running the fundraiser at all three of his stores. He then went on to say that he thought it would be best if the fundraiser did not have a time limit and let it run its course from open to close. He then stated that the fundraiser should not be limited to just those who brought in the flier, but should include all store sales, off the top and not off of profits.
We were blown away with this extremely generous man. He just offered us something that we never even thought of asking for and he went well beyond and above any expectations. Steve then said that he would beef up his staff for that day at all locations. Could he have been any more generous?
So after a gentlemen’s handshake, which in this day and age is a rare thing to work from, we left the store with ear to ear smiles and my head swimming with everything that needs to be done. Steve offered to make and print up the fliers for us, in addition to everything that he was willing to do, but I had to insist that his generosity was just too much and as Jonn’s father, I needed to do something.
As soon as we got home, I started working on the flier and felt the need to give credit to Steve Youlios and his wife. When I presented the flier to him (via email) it did not take him long to rework the flier and remove any reference to him and his wife. His email clearly stated that he wanted all recognition to go towards Jonn and the memorial scholarship. This is a man with extreme generosity, kindness, Christian love and most of all, humility. What a rare person to find in this day and age.
Over the next few days, the flier is re-worked by myself to accommodate all three locations, and to add two other locations which came about through one of our church members in Arcadia. So the newest plan is to have a fundraiser at 5 Jersey Mike’s locations, of which three in Santa Clarita were all day, all sales, and the other two in San Gabrielle Valley would be all day long with fliers only. We were so excited about this.
Do not get me wrong now. The days were not filled with excitement as every day was clearly a dark day due to Jonn’s absence. And as closer and closer we got to New Years Eve, the more we felt the darkness. New Years Eve turned out to be one of our hardest times since Jonn’s death. Even with the business of planning the fundraiser, our attention was fixed on Jonn’s absence.
Another task was beginning to make itself known and this is something that was triggered by one of Jonn’s AF-ROCT fellow cadets. Cadet Armando Garcia reached out to me and stated his desire to erect a memorial cross at the site where Jonn had passed. When Cadet Garcia broached the subject, I asked him if the AF-ROTC and LMU knew about his suggestion. He informed me that he had been doing research and was being supported by both AF-ROTC and LMU senior leaders and that he was being given a green light.
The only issue that I had was with Cadet Garcia’s cross. It was made out of Douglass Fir and if you know anything about wood, DF will decay very quickly even if it is placed in cement. Having stated that he was not a woodsmith but offered to help with any construction, I offered Cadet Garcia the opportunity to work with me in constructing a wooden cross made out of Redwood.
Jan 1st
New Years Eve is behind us now and all that we are focusing on is Jonn’s birthday and the fund raiser. Ana’s grief has not changed one bit. She is able to hold it in when she needs to, but her grief and anguish is as strong as it was the day we learned of Jonn’s death and her support is still missing from some family members. This is beginning to create a big problem and is not going away.
As for the fundraiser, we are getting the word out to everyone we can think of and are praying for a successful day. As we get closer to Jan 5th, we begin talking about the idea of having a couple of birthday cakes at the store where we, the family will be. We clearly agree that singing Happy Birthday at the store will not happen.
We discuss the idea of having 16” x 20” posters with picture collages on the posters and this turns out to be a big task. I am working frantically on Jan 4th to get the posters made. Part of it is making a jpeg file in the correct proportions to fit a 16” x 20” print. The other part is getting the posters made. As I am working on the collage on the evening of the 4th, the night is getting later and it is around 11:15 and everyone is heading off to bed. At 11:30, I begin to realize the time.
For both Jonn and Robyn, as well as on our anniversary, Ana and I would always stay up until midnight and then if it is Jonn or Robyn’s birthday, we would go and wake them up and sing happy birthday to them. We had all agreed not to sing happy birthday at Jersey Mike’s but we never once discussed the midnight ritual. That is when it hit me real hard. I cried for a short while by myself and then around 11:45, Ana and Michelle were in the kitchen with me. This was just too painful to bear.
I posted on all of the Face Book sites that at 12m, we would go into Jonn’s room and sing Happy Birthday to Jonn. All I know is that at 12m, there were about 120 people on Face Book who said they would do the same thing. We called Kristy at 12m and with Ana, Robyn Michelle, Micayla and Sophia, we all sang Happy Birthday to Jonn. It was very very emotional.
Now, to make a long story as short as possible, I worked on the prints until 5a Jan 5th. Why so late? Because my computer locked up and the program that I was using to create the collage was not set to automatically back-up the working files. So when my computer locked up around 2:30a, I had to reboot and yes, I lost hours of work. So having to start all over again, I finished around 5a after having sent the order to Staples via email. I woke wake up 2 hours later to find out that the way I ordered the prints was going to take a week for delivery.
Jan 5thI was then told that I had to place the order at the store. So with Jersey Mike’s opening at 10a, and my wanting to be there all day to thank people for their participation and to greet any friends who popped in all day long, I need to get over to Staples as soon as possible, then drive Robyn to college, and then head back over towards Costco to pick up the cakes and then over to staples to pick up the printed posters, and then over to Jersey Mike’s. It sounds so easy doesn’t it?
So Robyn and I head over to Staples where I am then told that their turn around is 24 hours. Already I am feeling the stress. I tell Ana and Michelle what is happening and Michelle says that Costco can do poster prints. So I take Robyn across town to college, head back over towards Staples to go to Costco to pick up the cakes and I see that they can indeed do poster prints. This is great because I already have my compact flash card which I was going to use at Staples. Staples wanted a converted PDF, but wait… Costco can only do JPEG. So I rush back home (15 miles), which is the opposite direction from Jersey Mike’s, put the JPEG files on the flash card, head back to Costco and place the order. Since I am heading to Jersey Mike’s by myself, Ana and Michelle will pick up the posters on their way to Jersey Mike’s sometime around 1p.
I get the cakes and head off to Jersey Mikes and the official fundraiser begins. Because of my time schedule and the fact that Ana is arriving a couple of hours later, Robyn walks a couple of miles from college to meet me at Jersey Mike’s. Her walk is up hill for most of the walk.
There are many people early at the store and I spend a lot of time talking with them and cutting the cakes. After a while, Robyn show’s up and we are together. After a short while together, Robyn and I are crying because of what we are doing, because Jonn is gone.
After a couple of hours, Ana and Michelle show up and I see the finished posters. I was off on my proportions so since the posters are based upon width first, the top and bottoms of the pictures are cut off. We make do since each poster contains about 25 pictures and only a few are cut off. Having heard that the cakes were going fast, they picked up two more cakes. All four cakes were devoured by the customers.
As sad as we are, we are lifted up by all of the people who come to see us at the store where we are. Meanwhile, we are receiving reports from all over that the fundraiser is a success. While there was a managerial problem with one of the San Gabrielle stores, the other one has many people attending from our church.
It is a tiresome day, a sad day, and a very long day. Kristy, Jeffrey and Mackenzie are there. Paul, Susie and their girls show up also. Ana’s parents come up to the store where we are. It is a long drive for them (around 50 miles) and at night. We are very very grateful for their presence.
Nancy and Pepe make it to one of the San Gabrielle locations. It is very nice that they make an appearance on behalf of our family. We are extremely grateful for everyone’s participation.
I cannot speak for the other locations, but I can say that the Stevenson’s Ranch location was well represented by all of Steve’s employees. They were all so very kind and helpful.
Over the next few days we get the final tally:
Glendora location: no funds collected because of an administrative mix-up
Monrovia location: $150 in profits plus an additional $100 donation from the store owner
Santa Clarita locations (owner Steve Youlios): $1,885.91
$1,385.91 sales donation
$250 employee donation
$250 owner donation
As of this post, the Memorial Scholarship fund is at $9,300
Our goal now is to get the balance up to $20,000. This money will be used to help put high school students like Jonn, through college. We would like to have a fund like this every year.
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Page 21
Written on March 20th
January 6th
Ana and I head off later on in the day over to San Gabrielle to visit and thank the proprietors of the Jersey Mike’s who participated in the fund raiser. The one store that had administration issues the day before, was supporting the fundraiser today. We went to that store first and came to the realization that the fundraiser for today was going to be a bust. None-the-less, while at the Glendora location, we met up with a friend (Lori) from church and had lunch with her and her friend.
The location in Monrovia had a decent turnout and we were able to meet with the owner and thank him for his support. From there, we went over to our friends Val and Michelle for an evening at their home.
With Jonn’s birthday and fundraiser behind us, it is now time for me to start working on the memorial cross. We are tired, emotionally frazzled yet continue to press forward.
January 7th
Ana and I are still off of work and we do not go back until January 17th. My emotions are well controlled with the exception of very specific events such as Jonn’s birthday. Ana is also doing well with being able to contain her feelings when out in the public, but the moment we are by ourselves, Ana is unable to hold her feelings in. For those on the outside, it is a false illusion because Ana seems to be just fine to them. If only they knew the story about grief.
In addition to getting ready for the cross, I am patiently waiting for the names of people I need to interview for LoveFest. The class which I will teach will not be a class on how to be a grief counselor, nor will it be a class on how to grieve. In talking with other people who have experienced a significant loss, it is obvious that our situation is no different than all others. That is, those on the outside do not know what it is like and how most people miss the mark when it comes to caring for those who grieve.
My desire is to interview between 12-15 people, covering all ages and types of loss: spouse, sibling, parent, best friend, and of course the loss of a child. In order to do this, I need names of people from our church who have experienced a loss, not just in recent times, but people who as long ago as 20 years suffered a loss. And time is running out. I anticipate a tremendous amount of time being devoted to this endeavor and with Ana and I going back to work on the 17th, I fear that anything after that date will have a significant impact on my schedule.
Ana and I head over to Home Depot to pick up the supplies. I want to make sure that the cross will last a very long time and is able to withstand the elements.
I researched all different types of crosses and decided that the cross will be a 2’w x 4’h cross. As such, I make the cross 2’w x 6’h because I want to set the cross in the ground by 2’. I have not done any wood projects for a long time, and it takes a little bit to get the workshop set up for the build. This means pulling out the 61 Mercedes as it sits right in front of the bench.
I think that Jonn had experienced the most mechanical failures with the Mercedes over anyone else. He and I had many memories in that car.
Cub Scouts to San Diego was our first, but we went there as a family. No major issues with that ride, and when you take the fact that both Robyn and Jonn were so upset that we bought that car, the ride to San Diego and back was quite fun. Of course driving that car when it needed work was probably not the smartest thing to do. Especially when you take into consideration the fact that when it comes to engines, I am about a dumb as dumb can get.
Boy Scout summer camp was our first long drive together and this is where my engine prowess is revealed. So we had off following all of the other cars for a week-long trip up in the Sierras. The drive was uneventful other than going up the mountain. It was hot since there was no air conditioner, and the car is a 4 cylinder (we were slow). But we did manage to get to the camp without incident. It was unfortunate however that I had to leave the camp for a day and fly up to Spokane for a meeting a day or two after we arrived.
So a day later, I head back down the mountain in the Mercedes to go to the Fresno airport. I was enjoying that car and zipped down the mountain. No problems as all. Well not until I hit the flats and stopped at a traffic signal. It was obvious that the engine was overheating. Smoke was pouring out from everywhere. So I quickly pulled over and turned the engine off, only to have the engine continue running. Now I may be engine dumb, but I know how to kill an engine real fast. Put the car in 3rd, foot on the break and pop the clutch. That did it and it stopped the engine.
After the smoke (actually the steam) ceased, I opened the hood of the car and realized how dumb I had been. Now the first clue was that I drove an old car with a defective temperature gauge. The second was that I did not check the water level up at the camp. Third was that when I bought the car, I paid no attention to the kluge that was laid out before me. It is obvious to me now.
A previous owner added the air conditioner to the car but did so not with a brass T fitting, but with a regular PVC T fitting. If this means nothing to you, know this: when the water reached the boiling point as it did in the Mercedes, it melted the PVC T fitting and all of the water leaked out. In fact, it must have leaked out a long time ago because now the Mercedes will not start. The rings were seized, and I still have a plane to catch. Thank God we have an office in Fresno and that after arranging for a tow, they were able to rush me to the airport.
Upon my return, one of the fathers who was coming up to the camp late was able to pick me up at the airport and drive me back to the camp site. Reunited with Jonn once again! It took a couple of months before I returned to Fresno to pick up the Mercedes with a rebuilt engine.
Then there was the time when the Mercedes was difficult to start. I can do alternators, brakes, rear transmissions, but I am dumb when it comes to carburetors, points, distributors and the likes. So when I stopped in at the gas station one day and asked them why the car was so hard to start, they suggested that the points were worn and needed to be replaced and then readjusted.
Adjust…hey that sounds like something I can do. In the electronics world, I am great at making minute adjustments. So Jonn and I head off to my work (I do not remember why we did that, perhaps to pick something up) and while at the office, I adjust the distributor and the points. After all, it looked so simple.
On the way home with it being a Friday afternoon, Jonn and I are heading north in moderate rush-hour traffic when the traffic comes to a stop. The engine idle is dropping rapidly, I need to break but I need to keep the RPM’s up. I am not used to breaking with my left foot and it is confusing, cars everywhere, and we are in the 3rd lane where there are 5 lanes of traffic in one direction. I need to keep the engine running and it is hot outside, my new temperature gauge is showing that the engine is getting hot. Brake, Gas, put the car in Neutral before it……..STALLS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
And guess what….the traffic starts moving again. Everyone is back to +55 mph and we are not moving anywhere during the Friday afternoon rush hour. The car will not start. It cranks, and cranks and cranks but nothing. Finally, the last thing I do not want to be, is a story on the traffic report so I take drastic measures. For those who know the LA Freeways, we are at the NB 5, just after the 134 split.
“Jonn, I am going to get out and you slide in to the driver’s seat. When I say now, take the emergency brake off and start turning the steering wheel to the right. I am going to push the car to the side of the freeway.”
Did I mention that there was a slight uphill? Did you forget that the cars on both sides are doing 55+ again?
So I get out of the car, run to the back, put my hand up so that the lane to our right (the 4th lane) will stop, and the big semi truck does just that.
I push with all my strength but the brake is still on. “Jonn” I yell, “take the brake off.” The Mercedes begins moving forward and cars are flying by. It is hot also. Very hot! It must be close to 100 degrees.
The car does not have power assist steering, so Jonn is literally hanging on the right side of the steering wheel to get the car to change lanes. Slowly we get in front of the Semi and with the forward momentum, I keep pushing the car as we begin to enter the 5th lane. All of a sudden tires are screeching and the car that passed the semi on the right just barely missed me. Fortunately the rest of the cars in the 5th lane stop for us and I get the car off the freeway in a dirt area. I am sweating like a rushing race horse and I open the front door and tell Jonn to go back to the passenger seat.
After about 10 minutes, I manage to get the car started and off we go, back onto the freeway. Jonn, so stressed about what happened, had passed out. It was such a scare for him that we was out cold.
There was another time when Robyn and Jonn where going to a high school dance and they both wanted to go in the Mercedes. As we were driving down the freeway, we heard this loud sound that lasted only a moment, but we felt it as well. It sounded as if I ran over something. Moments later, the new temperature gauge shows the water temperature is rising real fast. Quickly, I exit the freeway, pull into a parking lot and see what is wrong. That loud sound and thumping feeling was the fan belt as it broke apart and flew out from below the engine. Well, part of it flew out thank God.
They were both upset about the possibility of missing the dance, but we worked it out. The parent of one of Robyn’s friend offered to pick them up where we were stranded. Since we were ¼ mile from an automotive parts store, I suggested meeting there. As the parent was heading over, Jonn said that he would stay with me. I kept telling him to go with Robyn, but Jonn did not want to leave me stranded all by myself.
After Robyn was picked up, Jonn and I went into the parts store, purchased the fan belt and a wrench, put the fan belt back on, tightened everything up and off we went. I drove Jonn to the school and he only missed 30 minutes of the dance.
Then there was the time when we were driving around and then went to pick up Robyn at a friend’s house. Suddenly the lights went dim. A car this old does not have an alternator. It has a generator which is basically the same, but generator for a car like this means an old part, not a new part, and it was the generator that died.
There was the time when a cotter pin broke and we only had 1st and 2nd gear. I managed to nurse the car to a friend’s house and we put in a small nail in place of the missing cotter pin.
Then there was the time when I was teaching Jonn how to drive a manual transmission when there came a loud banging and clanging sound from the engine. One of the bolts for the valve camshaft arm stripped out and looked worse than what it was. Robyn and I fixed it.
In all of the cases, Jonn never wanted to work on the car with me. That was Robyn’s desire. Jonn just liked to drive around in it. There was one Halloween season where he and I drove around with three scary clowns in the back seat.
Jonn and I rehearsed how we would act when people would point at the clowns. Our act was this: People would point and we would act all confused as to why they were pointing, and then as we turned to look at the back seat, we would jump as if we were scared to death.
People would always comment about the car, asking what year it is and the likes. I think Robyn liked talking about the care more than Jonn. Jonn and I had a routine going on which was: anytime someone would ask about the car, we would simply say “danke schön” and then walk off. He thought that pretending to be a German and not know English was funny.
The biggest issue with the Mercedes is its inhabitants. Mice! They come from all over the world just to spend a night or week or month in the car. I remember the first time we saw them was as we were driving up the driveway. A mouse went running along the passenger floor and up the firewall right by Jonn’s leg. It scared us silly.
I love the mouse glue traps. They work very well.
Before I move the Mercedes, I check to see if anyone is visiting. Last thing I want is to have mice running across my feet. Everything looks fine and I push the car out of the workshop where it will remain for a couple of days.
After getting things ready, I begin working on the 4’ x 4’ redwood. First I cut the cross piece, the 2’ long section and then begin marking up where the notching will be for both the long piece and the short piece. They are going to be overlapped and bolted together. As I am doing the cutting and drilling, I am wishing that Jonn was around so that I could teach him what to do, and the irony of it sets in. What I am doing right now is building a cross because Jonn is no longer with me.
This is something that no father should ever have to do, but I have no choice, my son is in Heaven.
I want to a perfect job and one of the most important aspects is the paint. While I can paint and make it look good, I want the pain job to be perfect, so I reach out to a local painter. To cut to the chase, the painter has asked that his name not be used but this is what I can say:
He came to the house on 5 or 6 occasions to paint the cross. He put on several special primer coats, then a couple of bonding coats and then two finishing coats. He put a lot of time, care and effort in finishing the cross. He brought his adult son along to help as well. Now the unique thing is that this kind gentlemen was going to be installed as a Stephen’s Minister, which if you remember, is one of the titles that I hold.
We were able to talk a lot about our faith, the ministry and the likes. This guy was very nice, and very helpful to us. In fact, he even made the suggestion of improving the dimensional look. I was just going to put a smaller cross right on top of the 4”x4” cross but the painter suggested raising the smaller cross by putting an even smaller cross between the 4”x4” and the top small cross. He then suggested putting spacers between the pieces to allow water to run down instead of pooling on the top ledges.
This idea created an even deeper dimensional affect and that is how the cross was finished. And the painter would not take any money for his work.
One final finish was with the engraved placard. We went to a trophy/engraving shop which was located right next to where Jonn took his 1st degree Black Belt test. Yes, it was hard being there and tears flowed for Ana.
I am still waiting for names of people who I will interview. Time is seriously running out.
January 13th
Today is the day. Cadet Armando Garcia arranged to place the cross today and we have the entire immediate family going to the site. This is a big moment for all of us, and a very special moment for Paul and I.
Paul works in construction. A couple of years ago, Jonn spent a couple of weeks working with Paul. That meant a lot to Jonn. Now I get to spend a short time working with Paul, and this means a lot to me.
Together, we dig the 3’ deep hole, set the frame that I had constructed around the hole, put down the plastic to prevent the weeds from growing, and then mixed the concrete. All of Paul’s family was there, Kristy and Mackenzie were there, Michelle and her girls were there, Ana Robyn and I were there.
The timing was just perfect. The Cadets were just now approaching the place where Jonn had passed away, and one by one the cadets, along with every family member placed a shovel full of concrete into the hole. There is a point where the cadets continue their running while Paul and I mix more concrete. On their way back, the rest of the cadets put shovel of concrete into the hole and in the wooden frame.
Once the concrete ran out, Paul and I put the rocks on top of the wet concrete. After that, we took many pictures and then said one last prayer before we left.
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| Left front - clockwise Michelle, Paul, Kristy and Robyn |
We headed off up the road to a Mexican restaurant, which is becoming our regular place to eat when we are at the cross.
From there, we all head our separate ways. Michelle reminds me how much she hates driving over to this area, because it reminders her of September 23, the night that they all drove from our house to the hospital. That terrible unforgettable day when Jonn passed away.
Some are not aware that there are 20 pages before this one. Scroll to the top and look to your right to see the list of pages for this story.
God Bless markflath@sbcglobal.net
